well hello

well hello

Friday, March 26, 2010

Says She So.

Everything hurts. My feet, from moshing at the bar last night. My legs, from standing all day at work. My brain, from no sleep/too much anxiety. My throat, from the constant smoking. My stomach, because I just binged on sunflower seeds.
My strained eyes hold too may tears, but never enough fall to shield the pain.

I went out last night, got super drunk and stumbly. Saw T. . . and broke down. I don't even know what I said or did or how I acted or looked but I know I was pissed and stressed and hating him, because he is a player and a pedophile and overall jackass. I fucking hate him and want him to like me, what a terrible clash of feelings to deal with. It's like he's my father (ha, inside joke I guess...or I'm a little too interested in psychology).

I feel sick! I wonder how many times I've typed those three words these past months. Probably a lot. I always feel sick. Sick and tired. Of life. Of me, mostly. And my ways.

I lost my focus for this post, I'm sorry. I'm a shitty person. I'm a fatass failure. If I died no one would notice. I bet there wouldn't be one of those facebook groups in my memory. Who would care enough to make one? I can't think of anyone...

My cat is asleep next to me, on top of my desk.

I can't stop crying.

1 comment:

Ever. said...

Awwe, please feel better. People would care, you aren't a shitty person and you aren't a failure! Don't be too hard on yourself, hope tomorrow's a better day for you <3