I am so incredibly touched, thank you so much for the sweet and supportive comments. Coming home from work to see not one but five! comments was truly a good feeling.
Then I talked to ex-bf B. on the phone for about an hour. That was unexpected. We were together on and off in 2008 and the first 2 months of 2009. When we parted ways we cut off communication entirely. We are just now (after almost one year) able to be friendly and not resentful. He lives about an hour away.
I think I'm going to go there. In an hour. Haha.
I am all over the place. I am totally into T. still but kind of want to have some fun. I am not saying we will mess around. No, it's not like that. We will just smoke, and talk, and maybe watch some sports (his pick) or a movie/American Idol (my pick). Lame? Maybe, but I feel at ease when I talk to him. He makes me laugh and feel slightly better about life. It is a quality I've always liked in him, I just never truly appreciated it. We are a little older now. A tad (?) wiser. And maybe now we can be friends.
Anyways. Last night was a disaster, I ate and ate. I am feeling quite bloated. I always think, "it's healthy stuff," but that is bullshit. It is stuff ... it is disgusting stuff.
At work I had a few coffees (black, obviously *0* cal) and was moving around a lot, training. It went well. The girl was short and average-sized I guess. Slightly bigger waist than mine. But I'm a bad judge, so don't take my word for it.
Who am I kidding? I felt quite large; I am about a foot taller than her. Oh well. Whatever. Just have to do it again tomorrow.
I am fasting.
No food yet.
No food at all.
I hate food.
Eating makes me feel worse than not eating.
I've got about $100 US in my bank. I am a broke ass. Wanting to buy more pot. What the fuck is wrong with me. I just smoked and now I feel like my spine is dripping down into my ass and I am slowly sinking with it.
empty is strong [<==I love this]
I am now unsure about going to B.'s. What if it's weird? Well I never got anywhere by not going...anywhere. Ok. I will go. Only because being gone for this span of time will be good for the fast. Being around people is a food deterrent, at least for me.
Thanks again for the support. Reading those comments was like a breath of fresh air!