First: With clothes & slippers I am 135. Without anything on I am 132. That doesn't seem right. Can clothes really add up to 3 pounds on you?? Strange... either way. I am holding steady in the low 130's and need to BREAK IT down to 120's!!! I suppose 133 is my "happy weight" according to Glamour and the like, but ya know what? I am certainly not happy at this weight! Wtf is a happy weight anyways? Lazy weight? The weight I can be without trying? Well that is not good enough.
I just went shopping. I bought healthy things, here are some: whole wheat pita pockets (6 pack), cucumber, tomatoes, a sweet potato, hummus, baby carrots, veggie burgers (4 pack), green tea, gum, brown rice, frozen cauliflower/broccoli mix, shredded cheese (bad, but good on top of broccoli), bag of apples, rice cakes. That's it, actually. I got good stuff, right!?
I WILL be thinner for the first day back to school (the 25th), and then I will MAINTAIN & CONTINUE TO LOSE UNTIL I AM HAPPY.
I've got 9 days. I think I can lose 3 pounds in 9 days. I would like to be 129/130.
Then I can breathe.
And keep going.
I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
I am not happy with my body and I refuse to let it be. I need to change it. I need to. I need to. I need to. I will. I will. I WILL!!!!!!
If there's a will, there's a way.
Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
I have let myself go the past few weeks. Understandable I suppose, I was rejected. That has got to take a toll on a girl's ego.
All I know is this. Once school starts I will be taking yoga & self defense, most likely in rooms lined with mirrors. I WILL NOT be so embarrassed over my reflection that I hover in the corner or drop the classes. I WILL NOT be tubby. I WILL BE the thinnest, boniest girl in the room. I WILL BE.
Lots of love to you all. Keep writing. It's the only support I seemingly have. Let's keep this community strong!