I have been going over my calorie limit every day for weeks. This year, this decade, is off to a shady start. I am hiding from myself. I am eating way too much. I have not gained, per se, but I have certainly not lost. This needs to change.
I need some willpower!!!!!
Where did my desire to feel true hunger go?
Now I am just hungry all.the.time. It is a hunger that is never relieved, and yet, I keep trying to. Relieve it, that is. It is a hunger for more than food. I crave touch, human contact, love, lust, infatuation, all that good stuff. Like stuffing my face every day is going to help my chances.
I swear. The only times I feel are inappropriate!!! I flirt (very, very, slightly) with my married, recently had a baby, coworker. I can't help myself. He is religious and complex and MARRIED AND OK YEAH MARRIED, WITH A BABY. Why the fuck am I even bringing him up?
Let's just say that I am unethical with my thoughts...sorry you have to witness this. I think he is a great guy. Obviously out of the question..but he is nice and tall and the type I would eventually like to settle down with. He is just an EXAMPLE.
In other news, T. and I are friends. Whoopee!!!! We text a bit. I "liked" his status on facebook and no alarms went off. I am dying to get in his pants AHEM I mean give things another try.
When did the want to get laid overcome my need to establish a solid friend base? Oh, yeah...it's been like a month since I have had lovin'. I WANT and NEED it.
I am biding my time, waiting for school to start, waiting for warmer weather, waiting for friends...waiting to come into my own, waiting to grow up, waiting to get THIN, waiting to be normal.
I need to do more thinspo searches.
I need to NOT devour 3 servings of Whoppers (the candy, my god, not the cheeseburger..but still fattening and disgusting). I need to NOT justify eating all of this food in my head. There is NO justification. There is NO starvation. There is just...what? How about restriction? Sounds good to me.
Stick Thin...you are right. There is no point comparing. I guess I just am curious where other people with similar measurements stood. Why? Idk. To feel better? Well it didn't help.
I am a fat ass.
Time to go get stoned with Tom.
Some things never change.
Lots of love to you all, especially the wonderful people that comment!!! Lovelovelove you!
Think thin today!