Forming words takes too much concentration. Incomplete thoughts and half-hearted proclamations rule my life. I feel weird. I feel dead. Sometimes I am a hermit. Not last night, no, last night I hung with my friend and then went to the bar and eventually met up and hung out with T. It was nice. We flirted and he was sort of touchy-feely. He texted me after we went our separate ways saying, "I miss you..you should know". I said "I already know and I've missed you too".
Then I went to sleep.
Then I woke up. Hungover. Ate some food, not too much. Smoked with my neighbor.Now I am sitting here. Dead. School is tomorrow. I am not mentally prepared. I am dependent on smoking weed. I have to work in an hour and a half. Until midnight. Then school in the morning. I'm scared.
My throat hurts from the cigarette I just inhaled. I am tired and caffeine-free. I am feelin' a little crazy, last night was pretty surreal. My life is one perpetual yesterday, last night, last minute. I confuse my dreams with realities. I am the walrus.
I have nothing to say but everything to say. I smell smoke. It lingers in the still air, even though my window is cracked. School tomorrow. Shit.shit.shit! I wish I knew what to do with myself.
I can't think. I can feel. I feel strange.
Ever listen to "Beast or burden" by the Rolling Stones? Good stuff.
I need to be undead.
I am so incredibly frustrated right now. Last night T. mentioned on 3 separate occasions us hanging out today before I went to work. I got super excited like a typical girl and envisioned good times. It didn't happen. He slept super late and was lazily texting me like I had all afternoon to chill. I like planning things. So we just got off the phone and he's like "I need to get food and cigarettes" so I'm like "I'll just chill here then, next time you say you want to hang out let's actually hang" (BIG mistake). He started to retort something (we've been here before) but then seemingly swallowed it said "ok, just ok".
So maybe tonight.
What should I wear to my first day of classes? It's supposed to rain so I'm thinking jeans and boots and a sweater, lol, how original. We'll freakin see. Have I mentioned I'm nervous about classes???
Ok, sorry for the boring entry. Just kinda sitting here thinking and not thinking, typing some shit, then erasing it, then I don't know. I'm just floating.