A quick note before I go to work. It feels necessary, writing can be a relief. A dam in the flowing river of thought streaming past my eyes and rushing through my brain.
I've been having trouble spelling lately. It used to come so naturally, I was always a great speller and decent with grammar. Now I go too fast, then my eyes look back at the just-written or just-typed words and I have to go fix them. Annoying and time consuming. That squiggly red line irks me. Maybe I should slow it down.
I have heard nothing from T. except for the most random text around midnight that said simply "night!".
Nothing for ten hours before that. Not that I was counting : /
Sometimes these creepy jealous thoughts come barging in my head, pushing anything good aside and flooding my senses with darkness and despair. It's horrible, and I noticed it last night. I just noticed it, and the way it affected me and my body. I had to work hard to push them aside. It was distracting. I was sitting there trying to read about aesthetics and the philosophy of art...interesting stuff, and these thoughts, were containing me in the worst way. I could feel it.
Ok, gotta go. Work. shit. I'm high. Again.
And I'm not contacting T. at all. Fuck it. I can't let the darkness take over. It might be coming from my intense feelings about him. I need to do a masterfade.
Love you all. Thanks so much for commenting.
Oh yeah, all I've had is a 110 calorie oatmeal packet! Nothing at work! Nothing here to eat once I'm home, and bed early cuz I have class super early. It's a plan!!!!!